Holy Buck, Fatman!

to  the Corporate world.

I’ve seen so much hypocrisy during my 15 years working for “the man”. The last ten years was the worst example. Blame always laid at the feet of the lowest on the totem pole. Their incompetence was my responsibility. These were the very same folks who preached “personal responsibility, accountability and taking charge”. They lined there pockets while I lost four hours of my life every day to cover their incompetence up.  In the end, I lost the job and they walked away counting the money. What happened to hard work yields rewards? I don’t think it does anymore. I think dishonesty, greed and destruction of your peers at any means necessary yields the rewards.

Ho can we change this feeling? How can we take back the meaning of hard work? I have a few solutions, but I want more to chime in. My thoughts are  to bring business back to the community. I believe that a return to community business and lending will bring the country back to a community based business model where large and small businesses work together for the improvement of each community.  What are your thoughts? It’s quite obvious that the days of huge mega conglomerates that mistreat their employees are dying a slow death…..at least–that’s what I believe.

yeah, I know, I know!  It’s not like I *don’t* have time, either.Well, honestly—I don’t.

First and foremost—The nice people who hired me as a subcontractor for their Photography business decided they didn’t need the help after all. Doesn’t matter—I’m off on my own now with the confidence that I can do things myself–better. Much better. A door opened and I walked through. I like being creative. It suits me better than some stuffy office job.

One thing that I can’t quite understand is the unwillingness of people to pay for photographic services. I think a lot of people have the mindset that they can buy themselves a DSLR, shoot some pictures, take it to Ritz (or–well—someplace now that Ritz is Chp 11) enlarge and VOILA! instant art.

No. and if you think you can—stop reading right here.

Taking pictures that are visually pleasing as well as prompt conversation takes time, planning and a lot of creativity. Photography has rules—That’s what I learned in school (nearly 12 years ago when film was still King)  but rules are alos meant to be BROKEN. It’s the folks who are thinking outside of the box that are gaining steam in an environment that breeds frugality.  This process takes some thought. Creative thought. The shoot, the processing (yes, digital pictures still have to be processed–just not with checmicals) retouching, then creative applications. When we’re done–then you have a peice of Art.  It’s worth more than 8 bucks an hour. Trust me–it’s intensive.

People buy art all the time for their homes. They spend thousands at places like Willams Sonomoa and Pottery Barn for wall art that will make their home visually pleasing. Why not pay for someone to create something personal that will have a deeper effect then some picture from a homegoods shop?

I’ve recently gained a new perspective.  Losing my job hasn’t been the end of the world for me, in fact–it’s been quite the opposite. I am now venturing down a path I believe I was always meant to go. I put it on hold to do what others thought I should do and quite honestly, it really got me no where. Now that I’m no longer living in that world, I can’t even believe I wanted to be a part of it. I was never valued as a hard worker–I was just a cog in the machine, a person to pawn off the short comings of others, a less valued human.

Looking back, I spent the better part of the Bush Administration within the fishbowl of DC. Inside the beltway things are so vastly different it’s easy to get sucked into a world that promises pots of gold for every hard working person if you just–keep trying.  Keep trying, they would say.  Dazzle me—work long hours, commute miles and miles–work hard and yee shall be rewarded.

So– lets take a look at the current economic crisis. We have a bunch of over educated individuals who have made some decisions based on their education and guess what? They FAILED. They failed miserably!!!  I may not have a degree in economics, math or business, but I know the basics:  taking risky bets to make a quick buck will almost always lead to disaster. Overextending ones self on credit isn’t financially sound. Only buy what you can afford.  Seems easy enough, I just don’t understand why the “best and brightest” didn’t take these basics into consideration? Yet, the best and brightest—despite their failings won’t have to join the rest of us in the unemployment line. When we–the little people screw up, we get fired. When *THEY* screw up–someone laughs, lights up a cigar and says, shit, well that didn’t work. Lets fire a bunch of people so we can keep our pay & bonuses. 750,000$ to some asshole who writes a “woe is me, I didn’t do this” letter and I’m supposed to feel sorry for him? His regular take home pay is probably more than i will ever see in my life time and I’m supposed to feel sorry?!?!?!

Do I believe they don’t give a shit about what they secretaries, underlings, interns and people who empty the trash cans every night? Do I believe they care about the people who race to the office every day via train, bus or car to make certain that these guys dont have to type letters, make phone calls or set up meetings? No, They really don’t care. I know–because I have been one of them.  a pat on the back, a “good job” can only go so far. After working hard—a pat on the back isn’t worth shit if you need to pay your mortgage or your educational loans or even stay in college. Shut up and pay me! Give me a raise! I waited for five years for a raise. I got fired instead. Why? because they wanted to increase their bonuses.  Mister Fatman was passed over for a promotion because some greedy asshole doesn’t want him to leave his department–so he toils away at his job in an effort to make whomever gets the numbers look good.

I know now that good, honest work is no longer rewarded. Fuck ups, major screw ups and other disasters are rewarded if a few people got rich at the expense of others. If you are an underling–well–your good hard work is appreciated but not rewarded. Screw up and your fired.  Honestly–I think a vast majority of us can do a much better job running these companies for much less money. Obscene amounts of money one will not know what to do with isn’t practical—desired, yes–but will you be happy? Really?

I worked for a rather rich man who traveled a lot. I was always jealous because these rich guys got to run off to countries all over the world. I said, “I wish I had that”  and he said, “But you have a husband and a family–” The Rich man had money, but I had more–Much more.

I’ve decided to be my own boss. No one will ever tell me I’m not good enough any more.  I am as good as someone else wants to pay for–and someone will like what I am selling and buy it. No one will tell me I’m late, bad or stupid. If I screw up–well–it’s my own ass. I’m much more apt to NOT screwing up now. I care about my work and know that it benefits me directly—not some asshole who really has no idea what it’s like to worry about where his next meal is coming from.  I aim to not be obscenely rich—but to be comfortable–able to pay my bills with a little left over for a few cool vacations, gifts and things to remind me that my hard work is worth every penny.  Isn’t that what we all want?

First of all, I’m not dead, nor is this site.  I won’t let it die—I;ve renewed it for another two frikken years.

I’ve been busy–startingour own business. Yeah–can you believe that we’re crazy enough to actually want to do something like this in an economy that sucks so bad you can actually hear the sucking sound? Well–I believe we can succeed because the product we’re offering is not like anything in this area. Trust me on this one—we’re doing something very different.

We’re starting to take pictures using creative lighting—not just your run of the mill regular snapshots of people smiling —we’re creatin’ art.  iffin you want a sample of what we are doing, please ask! we will be happy to share a sample. If you know of anyone willing to buy shit–then pass it on. nothing better than a little help.

Something has shifted. Well–in my own view, of course. We are all aware that shit is fucked up beyond recognition economically speaking, and things aren’t going to change anytime soon.  A few months ago I ran into a lovely couple who has recently retired and they were taking the time to travel to the Fishbowl to take in the sights. The economy was tanking and a few friends of mine were talking about how bad things were going to get. The couple chimed in and said they had lost a substantial amount of their retirement fund and would have to live modestly for a while Instead of the vacation they wanted–they took a weekend to DC.  I flat out told them that retirement will probably never be an option for me. what I will end up doing—is owning my own business and being my own boss. My idea of retirement is NOT having to listen to some asshole tell me what to do even when it’s the worst idea in the world.  It will be my ideas my way. THAT is retriement utopia to me. What about you? It’s clear that your 401k isn’t going to leave you with a small home in the mountains with lazy days of fishing and golf—tell me—what is your idea?

Actually working up to my dream job is quite interesting.  I went on my first assistant shoot with the boss man and found that it is a lot of hard work, which I kinda knew, but didn’t expect. He gave me sound advice, handed me the camera a few times and encouraged me to snap a few shots. I was a bit overwhelmed, so I shyed away a bit. (me, right?!?!?! hahahaha!) Luckily, the bride and groom were easy going, receptive and fun. They gave way to some nice artistic shots and let the boss man work his magic. Afterwards, he told me to Practice, Practice, Practice on moving models, taking shots of people and getting used to darker settings.

It got me thinking about developing my own portfolio. I have a fantastic print portfolio that landed me in a  few good schools on their merit alone. My  recent online portfolio is pretty nice, I had some opportunities to shoot in places I never thought I would.  However, it’s time to start thinking about my style again.  I worked minimally with models and advice was given to start developing my style using subjects/models—preferably wearing, well—a wedding gown.  I would love to start taking shots of men and women in some wedding clothes to start developing my own style and selling my work to my mentors.  But WHERE??? And I started to think about  wreck the dress–or Trash the dress, whichever.

Some more freethinking brides see wreck the dress as a way to get those photos they really wanted. On the wedding day, you’re bogged down with the ceremony, family, friends and guests who are marvelling at your beauty and celebrating your love.  After that, The dress is packed away in a sealed bag/box and placed in the attic with the hopes that the daughter of the bride might love it enough to wear it. I’d say, unless it’s a classic, timeless style, that rarely, if ever happens. (Well—Okay. I wore my Mom’s dress which was also my Grandmothers—See the original “Father of the Bride” for the style of it. See? Timeless!)  So…Wreck/Trash the dress was born.

The concept isn’t actually “Wrecking” or Trashing…Unless the bride REALLY wants to. It’s more of a shoot in unusual places, or in unusual situations for artistic purposes. Unless the bride exclusively wants to WRECK her dress–it’s more of a huge step away from traditional shots.  These are usually done post wedding, honeymoon–even a few years later–perhaps as a way to put the dress back on, or in the case of those whose marriages didn’t work out–to really torch the damn thing !  As always, the bride/groom will come up with what they want and they convey their vision to the photographers, who, with some suggestions will run with it.  Some photographers have run even further, including the bridesmaids as well. The concept doesn’t belong to just one person, but you can really get some great shots. I think this is where I may go—at least it will be part of my style.

Just have to find some brides/women willing to go an extra step. Anyone want to go out on a limb and put their dress back on??!?!!?!?!

talking heads about “Bank Nationalization” It’s very VERY strange how that meme was mentioned while Bush was in office and immediately poopooed. To Republicans, Nationalization=socialism, which somehow……=communism which, we all know, in their mind = totalitarianism.

Any intelligent person knows that erach of the above systems of economics are completely uptopian and cannot be obtained. Even pure capitalism in the Ayn Rand, Alan “Bubbles” Greenspan sense is a utopia. It cannot be obtained. As bubbles said, “there is a fundamental flaw” in which he did not account for. Yeah–that flaw, Human hubris and greed, doesn’t have a mathematical equation to “predict” how a person will behave given a vast amount of money and ways to “hide” it from “regulators” (were there any?)

I watched the Frontline that was on last week. (MPT 22 didn’t show it, MPT 26 did—dunno why….)  Anyhow, it finally answered a few questions that I had for a while.

1. Why did Paulson let Lehman Bros. Fail? Answer: he Hated the CEO.

2. Why did everything else get a slide? Answer: Paulson was their friend.

Last night, Obama put that damn meme to rest. Goppers need to rest assured that their beloved “free market” system isn’t going buh bye. They’re just going to have a few rules to play by so that everyone gets a fucking chance.

Until you’ve lost your job.

There is a lot of bitching from moderate to conservative peeps who believe that the President’s new plan to help Homeowners stay in their homes is “Giving People free hand outs, etc etc etc.” however they put it.  Sure—the first wave of forclosures were probably speculators and people who bought too much with silly “creative financing”.  However, what is happening now is NOT what people think it is. It’s responsible people who have paid on time until they have found themselves without stable income. Lets not beat aroun dthe bush. MILLIONS of jobs have simply gone *poof*. People who worked hard and just got caught in the recent wave of downsizing. Sure—they’ve tried to find another job–but with the constant downsizing that has been going on–THERE ISN’T ANYTHING OUT THERE!!!!

There is a lot of complaining going on—people bitching that “their tax dollars” are going to “bail out irresponsible people” Well–the shit has gotten so bad out there that “irresponsible people” are just folks who have lost their jobs—sometimes both incomes and have had their savings drained. Or they might be the recently retired Baby boomers who saw their 401k’s disappear and now have to find jobs to live, but can’t—because of their age or medical problems, or just the lack of a market.  This can happen to anyone—and those who are complaining just haven’t been touched by it. If no one does anything—they will be touched. All of us will. It could be that their neighbors will lose their homes and their once vibrant McMansion neighborhood will become a boarded up wasteland of blighted old homes, filled with squatters and other undesireables. It could be them losing their jobs as banks go under and take businesses with them. When that happens, they will scream louder than anyone else for help right away.

Things are bad–really bad. If you want to get a jist of how bad they might be: check out what Paul Volker had to say.  Shit’s bad.

But I have a good reason.

The awesome photo job is only two days a week. Soo..in the interest of this, I took another part time job for the other three days. No big deal–a great way to supplement for a few months, right?

WRONG. OH SO WRONG.

It was awful. It could have been that I had taken the position of a subordinate after being management for years, but no. The woman I was working for was the biggest mircromanager that I have ever worked for. Worse than the partners at the law firm. Worse than the restaurant managers. Worse than any power hungry boss–ever.

First of all, I had NO internet connection. There was a camera watching my area and the teevee that showed the monitor was right infront of her desk. When I started to clean up my desk in order to get a bit organized I was asked “What are you doing?”  When I didn’t make it through the list of phone calls within 1/2 an hour (50 people to call for Past due invoices) I was asked, “How did I spend my time?”  (Uhhh, calling people, looking up numbers and leaving messages!)  There was no lunch hour, it was considered a working lunch, except that I had to eat lunch near her desk and not at mine. So…uhhh..Okay.

EVERYTHING was done by hand. I could tell that she had just mastered the art of using a computer because she didn’t want to actually explore ways to do things in a faster, more effcient way. The bank deposit slips were so OLD that they still said “NationsBank” on them. That was eated by B of A sometime in the 90’s. With deposits being more than 30K a week with cash and numerous checks, it would be more effcicent to have quick books actually do the deposit. OH NO. why do that?

On the day I was asked to put more time in at the photo job, I politely called and said that I didn’t think the position was working out for me. I thanked her nicely and tried my damnedest to NOT tell her that working for her was worse than sharing an elevator with Karl Rove. Far Worse.

So, while I do have my internet back and I am in a much happier place, I won’t be online all the time during the day. It’s a bit strange when you actually want to work!

Last week I had a few prospects. I was supposed to be called back for a second interview and I was asked to “do a trial run” on a part time Admin position, five minutes from my home.  For shits and giggles, I decided to apply for a part time admin position for a wedding Photograher.  A Bit of  background: I did go to college for Photography, but in order to feed myself and my child who was a toddler at the time, I opted for the real job–a safe, responsible road.

I started at the Part time gig on Monday–hoping that it would blossom into a real gig. It was mindless work with no internet access (GAH!). I spent a vast majority of the time stuffing invoices into envelopes and running errends for the office manager. I didn’t mind it as it was close and I could do the job without really thinking about it. A break from the internet isn’t so bad, anyway. I guess.  When I left, she thanked me for my time and told me she would be having a few more people to “try out” before she made up her mind by friday. Incidently, I was sitting there while a few people came in to interview for the position. A man in his late 40’s came in to speak about the job. He had two kids in High school. No doubt he was in the same position as myself.

After that, I trudged off to meet with the Wedding Photographer. This was a two day a week job, but I thought it would be kinda of cool and a neat experience to actually do something I really enjoy for once.  I was banking on it also being a shits and giggles job because–well…hey, it’s something I LIKE to do. I wasn’t expecting too much because I know the photo business is tough to break into. I took a chance.

After speaking to the guy, I walked away with a sense that the man wanted a dependable person with the drive to learn the craft. The canidate that he was speaking with prior to my scheduled time was late, showed up with a nose and lip ring, a pair of ripped jeans and walked from Mt Vernon (a neighborhood in B-more, for my out of state readers).  While I’m pretty certain that he had a pretty decent portfolio, I’m sure they were looking for someone a little less likely to show up late and looking like he was about to go to a music show.  They wanted a commitment. I was leery on what I could do with that. I decided to talk it over with the boy. After all, I was the one who brought home the bucks.

Since then I’ve had a few more people contact me for references, but no call backs and no second interviews. I’ve followed up and received nothing back.  My fate rests on the chance that someone else might see that I have something they need. I would do anything just to have my own business.

I spoke to the boy about the Photo job. Since we’re both photographers, he liked the idea, but expected that I should be paid a little more. I agreed, but explained that it was a job starting out. Entry level–training.  It’s a bit hairy taking a job like that in an economy that is tanking faster than the titanic. Most people would just take the safe road and keep looking for full time employment that is less–well..small.  Mind you, No matter the state of the economy, people are always getting married. The rich are still rich. There are still people making money. Wedding photographers will be in demand—especially if they’re good at what they do.

I keep on keeping on. I sort through job sites, brush up my resume with every new ad, send out my cover letters and hope someone will need something I have.

Today–someone did.

I took the photo job.

It’s a RISK. a HUGE risk. but they are also taking a risk. Their original intentions were to hire a part time office person to help with marketing, database management and album design. They posted a separate ad for an intern–someone to learn the craft and assist on jobs with training to become second Photographer and than, first photographer.

They hired me for both.

I’m now training to become a full time professional wedding photographer.I will assist on my very first job this weekend.

Sometimes, when a door closes—somewhere a window opens. I just crawled through the window.

Risky. But hell, sometimes you just have to take the risk.