Having kids when unable to afford them….
Child abuse or not?
I wouldn’t characterize it as “child abuse” when a family, struggling to make ends meet, on government assistance and already has children to GO AHEAD AND HAVE MORE—I believe it’s more selfishness, irresponsibilty and plan stupidity. Once again, VA inflamed the Mommyblogosphere with her interesting and rather harsh opinions. I may not always agree with what she has to say, but I certainly can see where she is coming from.
I’ve always maintained that government assistance is there for when you really need it. Sometimes, things don’t always go as planned and you are faced with a time in your life that assistance might be the best short term solution. However, it seems that some believe that it is now a long term solution to their stupid, selfish decisions. Having a fourth child while you can’t afford all three because you *want* one? This is what gives the entire welfare system a bad name. This is why people who really need the help while they recover from a catastrophe that throws them a giant curve ball and hits them below the belt, financially. Those who tell you that they simply “cannot get off assistance because it’s impossible!” are full of shit. And I’m calling bullshit on them right now.
Why? Because I have been there. I made a poor choice in husbands back when Short Round was born. He was an abusive assclown with a major lazy streak. I was his meal ticket and he knew it. Despite my making a shitty decision to marry a poor example of a man, I knew I had to feed my daughter. I did what I needed to do: working 70 plus hours a day, budgeting my money and doing the best I could to improve my job situation any chance I got. Anyone who was willing to give me a job, I was willing to work for them. I was going to learn a little something from anyone I could and apply that to my job search.
The Assclown I was married too was constantly pushing for me to apply for benefits. I refused. I could work, I was capable. There was NO way that I could allow myself to be on assistance when I could work. Why would I do that? Wass I protecting myself against anymore unwanted pregnancies? hell yeah. Did I have cable? No. I could barely afford heat, but I did.
I divorced the Assclown, went back to school on the “ten year ” plan, got myself a good job, landed myself a good second husband, bought a home and finally, after 12 years of struggling through what was some of the worse times in my life–I am in a good financial place. I am not, by any means, rich. Neither myself or mister fatman believe that we could afford a second child as I am here to tell you that kids get WAYY MORE EXPENSIVE as they grow up. Do we want more children? Hell NO. We’re realistic and understand that it would be a financial burden.
There are people who may argue that you can make ends meet any way when you decide to have a child. I’m here to say that I would never willingly put myself into a position that would jeopardize my new found financial stability. Nor would I decide to ruin the chances my daughter has at a decent high school education.
And, contrary to popular belief, it is possible to feed your children healthy food on a limited budget. We do it right now, local produce at the farmers market, cooking everything by hand, etc etc. It can be done. Laziness is the only excuse for those who simply don’t want to cook.
So, In the interest of beating a dead horse, I’ll have to call bullshit on a blogging whiner who says, who is paying for a high speed internet connection instead of budgeting, moving to affordable housing and getting her shit together.
June 11th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
It’s such a shame you don’t have the ability to read and parse sentences correctly. I AM NOT ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE. I have NEVER BEEN on public assistance. I DO NOT get food stamps. I don’t qualify for ANY public assistance, which I only said about a million times, but then again…that parsing problem.
I am on SSDI. That is disability insurance. It is MY money. You know how social security works. You pay into it for years, and then you get it back when you either retire or are permancntly disabled. I’m permanently disaabled. Had you been able to actually READ and UNDERSTAND what you read, you would have known that. It’s very prominent on my site, and in my arguments. But that parsing issue….
I worked for 25 years before I became disabled. I have a PHYSICAL disability. The government sanctions that I am fully unable to work. They’ve seen all my medical records. But you know better than the government, right? WRONG. You’ve never even been to my site before, nor do you know me from Adam You’re just doing this to build up traffic.
How do you suggest people move to affordable housing? You get on a list. But here’s the problem. HUD has not given out one new Section 8 voucher in over 10 years. It’s on their web site. Go do research. Don’t make ASSumptions about things you’re ignorant of. In my state, the AVERAGE wait time for a subsidized apartment is 20 years. I’ve been on the list for every city and town in my state for over 5 years. I’m number 16. It could take 15 more years to get housing. I’m supposed to just move into affordable housing HOW? What a moron. You don’t do research, you just say things out of stupidity, just like Trolly did. And if you even botherred to look at my site, you would see that I refuted everty single claim about Canada that she made, complete with FACTS straight from the government. Because that’s how a smart person makes a point. They just don’t point fingers and spout crap they’re ignorant about.
Now, on to the internet. My EMPLOYER pays for it. I blog FOR A LIVING. It’s part of my deal. I also have 2 children in high school that need internet access for their school work. I guess they should fail school because you think I’m spending way too much money on internet. How much do you think internet costs, anyhow? It’s under $30/month, stupic.
I do have a budget. You know I don’t HOW? Oh, right. More ASSumptions.
Here’s my assumption. You’re just as stupid as the blogs you quote, you don’t know how to hold an argument based on facts, and you’re a bigot that blogs against the disabled. Go fuck yourself.
One more thing, moron. When my kids were born I was making well over 6 figures a year. How much do YOU make? Let me guess…SAHM who is taken care of by a man.
June 11th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
How in the world does the amount of money one makes matter? It is how wisely you spend it that matters. You can make 6 figures and be broke each month if you don’t spend wisely. Also as a SAHM, am I somehow inferior because I don’t earn cash? I was lucky enough to be able to CHOOSE that lifestyle for myself. Let’s keep focus here and not start down this path again with Working Moms VS SAHM’s.
June 11th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Wait, I want to take that back, I wasn’t lucky… I made good decisions that got me to the point of being able to choose the life of a SAHM for myself. There is a difference I guess.
June 11th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
And when your meal ticket, oh I mean husband, drops dead of a heart attack, what good choices are you going to make then? When about when he leaves you for his new wife? Are you going to be able to live the same exact lifestyle that you’re living now?
Exactly. You don’t know what is going to happen in the future, just like I didn’t. I lived for 25 years comfortably on my very generous salary. And then I got sick. I guess you should have shot me than, because lord knows, the disabled are such a drain on society, right? But the problem was, the hospital refused to take my children back when I tried to return them. What an inconvenience!
Judgemental much? Or just mental?
June 11th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Oh, good. The twat circus is in town.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Hmmm..mental? I think you’re mental. Blogging for a living? I doubt you make enough money from blogging because your nasty drivel is uninteresting and annoying.
ASSUMPTIONS? Let’s see here—You live in a home you cant afford because you chose too. There are many charitable organizations that work in conjunction with HUD to speed up the process based on the severity of your disability. Since you’re busy blogging instead of working with your SS caseworker, you could possibly be getting assistance from these places that will find you places with lower rental fees while you wait for your section 8 vouchers. God forbid you should consider even moving to simply a cheaper place. I have no sympathy for you when you whine about shit that is simple to take care of.
Here is a website detailing some brochures on affording housing to those who Draw upon SSDI for the state of MA.
http://www.chapa.org/pdf/DisabilityResourcesBooklet.pdf
Anyway–I still call bullshit on your “Disability”. Living within the city of Baltimore, I’ve happened upon people like yourself—Whining and crying because they are “disabled and sick”, Drawing upon assistance (and YES–SSDI is ASSISTANCE regardless) and refusing to even try and help themselves—but when someone calls them on their story–they fight back violently usually getting immediately defensive because someone DARED to question their use of government funds.
And you made 6 figures before you suddenly got sick? Then why, if you were so financially secure, did you not plan for windfalls such as a long term illness? My father did–Planned very well, actually. He planned so well that he was able to take 5 years off of work while trying to fight cancer. he never lost his home, was never in poverty and was able to live comfortably—not above his means–comfortably. He was not a rich man–just a smart one. I suspect you weren’t that smart. I’ve learned a lot from that man and at a young age decided to plan ahead for whatever might happen in the future by saving, investing and purchasing supplemental insurance. Six Figures and you didn’t know about Long term disability policies? Tsk Tsk Tsk……
What my income is is irrelevant to the conversation, but I will tell you I do make more then my husband, since you assumed that I was a SAHM. If someone can stay at home with their children–good for them. I simply cannot. I refuse to buy into that whole SAHM v Working Mom bullshit. When the tides turn and my husband (who has just started his career) starts making more cash–I’ll be starting my own business. I’m just not stay at home material.
Your nastiness simply doesn’t even merit my full attention any longer. I just like poking crazy internet people with large sticks. It amuses me! Thanks for the laughs.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
I do disability claims for Social Security, and what she says is true. You pay in, or you get nothing out. It is like any other insurance program in that regard. And yeah, you can have more kids to get more money, but there’s a limit, and besides it’s far, far easier to just continue working and collect your earnings under the table (which is one of our biggest problems at SSA).
I agree with the general sentiment of the blog post, however. Bringing up more kids than you can afford screws those kids up for good, generally… some worse than others.
ps: margalit… bitter much?
June 11th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Also, it is pertinent to the discussion to distinguish between SSDI (social security disability insurance) and SSI (supplemental social insurance). One is paid out to qualifying (ie disabled or retired) individuals who have paid in a sufficient amount of FICA taxes; the other is state-paid welfare. If your SSA check is higher than your SSI check, then you don’t qualify for the SSI check. That’s how it works. If she earned six figures and applied for for SSA benefits right away, then I can guarantee you she doesn’t get SSI. (Her SSA benefit could also easily be high enough that she won’t easily qualify for Section 8–we’re talking about someone with “over-max earnings” here; I can give you an estimate on what those checks would be, and it is a lot more than what a lot of Section 8 folks make [which is not to suggest that it’s enough money to easily run a family]).
June 11th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Yer Holiness, I had no idea that you were a SAHM, eating bonbons all day, leeching off yo’ man! I hereby demand that you post more, since you have nothing else to do. Then again, I didn’t know a high-speed internet connection was required for all high schoolers to be able to pass their courses. All this time thinking hey, the library provides computer time for free. Huh. Gawd, I love ASSumptions.
But that’s all very minor. Had a friend long ago who was living in Sec. 8 housing, used the ER instead of making doctor’s appointments for her children, refused to work because “being in day care isn’t the best thing for them” (uh, what about dad? so work at night!)…then had the nerve to get pregnant with her fourth child on purpose and be all aglow…I had to wash my hands of her. Judgmental? You bet your ass. At the time I was working a million hours a week as was my husband, doing without, deliberately waiting to have a child until we could afford it, and she’s popping them out like it’s more fun than a fucking clambake.
If a bus fell on my husband or he ran of with a hussy, I have 100% knowledge I could take care of our ONE child (the reverse is also true). We stopped at ONE child because neither of us would have been able to have that same comfort level had there been TWO children. It would be easy to have more kids because times have mostly been good, but we can’t see the future so we elected to STOP. HAVING. CHILDREN. More people need to understand that the second egg meets sperm, you need to either have the ability to make sure that child is financially cared for over the next 18 years no matter what happens to you, or you need to dedicate yourself to working your ass off until you get that ability. I don’t look down at those who have to do the latter; I commend them and offer to babysit! I personally would send my child to live with relatives while I scrounged before I’d let society support me for anything longer than a true emergency situation called for. I’m self-righteous, judgmental…and I plan, save, and worry about the worst possible scenario.
Back to the post. I agree wholeheartedly. I don’t think it’s child abuse, really, but it is neglect, definitely selfish, part of our nanny-state gimme society…and when you call bullshit on someone who’s doing it, watch them bristle!
June 11th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Whew, that was looooong! Sorry for hoggin’ the thread!
June 12th, 2007 at 6:50 am
Jon–There is a problem with people who HONESTLY need the assistance and I truly believe the system needs to be reformed–smartly. (can Politicians and Bureaucrats actually do that???)
However, so many things the bitter responder said contradicts just about everything. I do believe in safegaurds for people who simply have made poor choices, got screwed or got hurt/sick. They are designed as temporary measures to rehabilitate and help get someone back on their feet. However–I’m not inclined to believe the nasty vitriol this idiot spews fourth because her arguments are all reactionary and it simply leads me to believe that they’re reactionary because, deep down inside, she knows she is screwing the system. I worked for the health dept for a few years, I’ve seen the types.
DD–Would you care for a Bon bon? I have an entire freezer full!
June 17th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
This is a problem the world over, abuse of social services. Where I come from it’s relatively easy to get on a benefit and to get state housing or an allowance for housing. We have generations of families choosing welfare as their career. They start spitting out children when they leave school and stay at home with them having one every 5 years at the least to avoid having to get off their Asses and work for a living.
August 2nd, 2007 at 7:43 pm
“I am on SSDI. I’m permanently disabled”
or
“My EMPLOYER pays for it. I blog FOR A LIVING.”
Uh…so which is it? Contradictory, much?
That Margalit bitch is SO full of it.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I just found this. In response to Margalit and the C**p she has on her site. Funny, how she lists her diseases on it (Feel sorry for me). The best part is, of the 3, the first is actually confused with the second, it is treatable, and the third (Diabetes) is controllable if you get off your fat ASS(umption), and quit whining (I have diabetes that is under control because I work at it).
She really needs to have a cup of STFU and take a little responsibility for her own lazy ASS(umptions).
August 12th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
She made six figures as a witer? Where did she work that she made that kind of money. My aunt has a colum with a pretty big newspaper, she makes $55,000 and that’s after writing there for 12 years!
August 12th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Six figures for writing can actually be attained. I work with a bunch of people who do just that—They write propaganda for the right people, of course. Shit like that only happens in one place, tho—the Fishbowl that is Washington DC!
I sincerely doubt Ms. Margalit actually pulled in six figures. If she did, she would have a financial planner that sold her all the insurance policies that my coworkers have. Trust me….
August 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I don’t believe she earned well over six figures either. She’d have some savings if that were true.
“I don’t qualify for ANY public assistance, which I only said about a million times, but then again…that parsing problem.”
Who do you think pays for your kid’s school lunches, dipshit? And their “special educational needs” that are a direct result of your parental neglect?
News flash, those are forms of PUBLIC ASSISTANCE.
August 12th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I think Chicken Liver has well established the fact that Margalit is bat-shit crazy. That’s sad, because she has children. Who she is obviously affecting with her bat-shittiness. One of them is bipolar, correct? I’ve never met a bi-polar person who had “normal” parents and a nice, decent, overall “normal” life. Ever. They are all from abusive, broken, or just plain crazy homes.
FYI-if you want to work, you work. For some people, an illness is their jackpot. The best illness is one that you COULD manage if you chose to, but don’t because it’s easier just to give up and lay on your butt all day. Makes me SICK. I’m not against helping people who need it. I just wish I had a choice of where my tax dollars went.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Maybe she spent the six figures on bags of candy?