As AC says (comment 8, above), men like my father are oh-so charming and polite - and such liars.

I am so glad you got out and that you are well.

Your story is so similar to my own, except that I was lucky enough to not get married before I got out. My own mother, on finding out what had happened, asked a friend “What did she do?” I’m not sure I’ve ever totally gotten over that, but I can kind of understand; we live in a culture where I “made” him do it. Except that I didn’t. I was putting myself through all kinds on unimaginable contortions to avoid it but it still happened. In the aftermath, I was very lucky to have a number of friends who understood, sadly from experience of either their own abusive relationship or supporting people close to them, so I didn’t have to fear having to explain myself to each and everyone.

The last thing I heard of him, as his mother called and asked if we could “discuss all this like grown adults” was him shouting in the background that I was a “fucking storyteller”. So, yes, I’ll tell my story, and I am so glad to see other women tell their stories, because they’ve gotten away with it for much too long.

What I think is hard for a lot of people to understand is that abusers can be sweet and charismatic. Everyone liked my dad. His second wife left an abusive relationship because she thought she’d finally found a decent man in my father, only to find out, after they were married and living together, that she was entirely wrong.

He even abused my mother in front of his family. He stormed into the hotel room where they’d gathered after my aunt’s wedding, dragged her to the bedroom, and loudly beat her before storming out again. They did nothing and still refuse to acknowledge what kind of man my father is… because to them, he’s a brother, son, friend, and he’s always been charismatic and funny. The favourite of six children, even among his siblings. And they still pressure me to spend time with him, even knowing that he tried to trap me into a cycle of psychological abuse that almost turned violent before I stopped going to see him.

Now he lives with his parents, and he calls sometimes to complain that I never talk to him, and my grandparents, loving him unconditionally, only add to the chorus. Only my mom and people who don’t know my father understand.

I just wish he didn’t stand between me and my grandparents. So… I know.

and so interesting to read your story.

I knew but didn’t KNOW. This is enlightening.

So so glad …

that you and the Shuriken of Truth have each other.

Happy ending indeed.

Even when you can’t catch a break — you’ve got each other!

Survive, keep fighting, live.