Holy Buck, Fatman!

Us Crackberry users are a weird lot. We live and breathe by the little silver box that houses our e mail, calendars, contacts and other vital information. It’s a strange connection, but we don’t feel whole without the fucking things. Especially in Washington. Washington workers are married to their crackberries and smartphone devices. We suck.

Anyhow, it was Pontifferific  the last few days in DC, which meant my commute was going to be littered with holy pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the devil in Prada.  And so, it was. OnWednesday evening, I traveled on a standing room only train from DC to Baltimore only to return to my home to realize that my beloved crackberry was *gasp* GONE!

Well, now. I struggled to figure out what to do, I mean…I lost MY LIFE LINE! Suddenly, I started to shake…what the hell was I going to DO?!?!?!?! I didn’t have my little silver to validate that I hadn’t missed anything! OMG! OMG! OMG!

My friends told me to calm the fuck down, call verizon and get a new one in the morning. That is just what I was going to do. faced with the daunting task of having to do this, I woke up the next morning, logged on to my VPN client and sent an E mail:

Will be in later, lost my crackberry, I need to replace it!

I did get a few messages back shortly afterwards that said, “Oh good god, go—Quickly!”

At about 9am, I was about to walk out the door and replace my beloved sliver bo when, after jimmying the damn internet for a while, I finally got the stupid wireless to work. Suddenly, a message appeared in my inbox:

HolyFatman-i am a stranger who has found your bberry…- have just lost mine, and I am in hell… your Friends text was on here so I replied in hopes of finding you… She is to pick this up at harborside renaissance at 10 tonight. If it does find you, please drop me a note @ VeryNiceStranger(at)strangerswork.com. - good luck

Well! I was SO EXCITED! Stranger had contacted my friend who was kind enough to pick up my phone and deliver it to another one of my friends who rides the train with me! I wasn’t at work and didn’t know that my train friend who works a block from me had it. I quickly exchanged some e mails with him and he agreed to drop it off after work that evening. Sweet Jebus, My Crackberry was on it’s way HOME! I later learned that my crackberry was found randomly by this kind man IN FRONT OF THE RENAISSANCE HOTEL RIGHT SMACK IN THE INNER HARBOR OF BALTIMORE CITY!!!!!! I can only surmise that It had fallen out of it’s case when I boarded the bus. The stop is right in front of that hotel, so it makes perfect sense.

I quickly wrote a note back, as I knew I needed to tell the kind stranger that I had, indeed, gotten my Crackberry back.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!! Your kindness is SO APPRECIATED! It’s amazing how you don’t know how much of your life revolves around your crackberry until it’s gone. I SO APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS in getting my cherished lifeline back to me!

 

Thanks again, you’ve given me faith in the human race

My crackberry returned, I slept easily last night knowing that no one was emailing my contacts weird shit or making prank phone calls. See? Random acts of kindness are still practiced. There is still hope.

have a great weekend, dear readers.

That’s It, I’m handing in my resignation, giving up all my worldly possessions  and taking this job.

Why that is awesome. AAAND—y today’s exchange rate, I’ll be paid a helluva lot more $$, too!

Short Round: Yeah, D* asked if he could come over the house while you were gone.

Me: Oh really? what did he think he was going to do?

Shortee: have a party, invite all his friends. I said no.

Me: Well, that’s good.

Shortee: Well, I told him it would be my luck because you guys have so many spies in the neighborhood.

Me: Well, That is correct. WE have spies you don’t even know about.

Shortee: well, uhhuh…And you guys would get REALLY mad if they drank all your beer.

Me: Your damn right we would.

Hey man, I’m just glad she fessed up to the idea even being floated. Yah, I have a good kid. Besides, the spies reported nothing out of the ordinary.  She also knows that no one messes with the beer. Dammit.

This makes sense. I’ve been on the tubes since 1987 and do work for a technology advocacy organization…..I at least have *SOME* knowledge.

When you live in a neighborhood that was established around 1720 something, you tend to also live in houses older then…say, 1960. Since we live in such a neighborhood, we live in old houses. We also live in an urban area. in the winter, we sometimes have a problem with Mice. I’m not saying that suburban dwellers don’t have this problem, they do. Urban areas can sometimes be a haven for unwelcome critters for a number of reasons.

Mister Fatman and I have lived in our old, urban dwelling for about 4 years now—going on five. In those years we have had four mice. Four. We also have three cats.

Two of those mice were cornered by Chu, a rather playful hunter who likes to corner her target, bat it around for a bit and play with it. The other two were proudly presented to myself and short round freshly killed by our tenacious hunter, Twiglet. Twigs–or twiggy as she is sometimes referred as has established herself as a killer in just one week. She presented us with two very freshly killed mice within two days. We applauded her efforts and dumped the carcases.

Our neighbors (and best buds) have been experiencing a mice problem lately. They’ve tried EVERYTHING—glue traps, humane traps, poison. Nothing is working for them. Lately, the mice have been getting so bold that they’re flipping our friends off before running away with their pint size dogs food. (their dog, while cute as hell, hasn’t been quite effective in the mouse catching area). As a solution of last resort, we are willing to lend Twiggy for a few days. Rent-A-Cat! Our neighbors are good people and Twigs loves to play with their dog, so I don’t expect her to be harmed at all.  For some reason, this all strikes me as a bit funny.

I promise to post results of the Rent-A-Cat solution.

Holy Buck, Fatman! was Born on 12/08/2006.  I passed my Bloggy Birthday without nary a thought.

I’ve kept this bitch up for over a year now. I’ve been blogging since January 2006. If you want to be TECHNICAL—I actually started blogging in Dec of 2000. You can read the crap if you like here, but it is soooo embarrassing.  That’s the beauty of the Internet—You can’t hide from your past anymore. The funniest post on that small blog was the Tuesday, Jan 14, 2001 post where I wrote a want ad of sorts for a “boyfriend” . Back then I had minor crushes on a few guys that were unattainable, more then likely to try and talk myself into thinking I was ready to embark on a long term relationship.  I wasn’t anywhere near ready for it at that point in my life, though. The Ad was finally fulfilled nearly two years later and I landed exactly the man I advertised for.

And I couldn’t be happier. Sometimes when you look back at shit like that, you are reminded of how much you’ve accomplished and that what you have was soooo worth the wait.

So Listen up, folks—post your wayback machine internet tales here. I did it. Now I want to see YOU do it.

No, really. I have slacked like a Mofo on posting. Unfortunately, my job has been running me through the ringer and it’s just been awful. I have had no time to even think about politics!

Anyhow, it’s time to start looking towards the future and leaving the past behind. In 2008, mister fatman and I will be taking trips, hosting friends, sending short round to the uncharted territory that is High School and FINALLY—JUST FINALLY—–WE WILL BE SAYING FAREWELL TO BUSH.

2008 will be a champion year.  I can’t wait.

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I very seldom check my stats because I just don’t care who reads my bullshit. Okay, well, I do Care—but hell….these returns are FUNNNNNNNY.

 WhooooBOY!

A plot by dozens of foreign terrorists who purportedly planned to attack Fort Huachuca with rocket propelled grenades and mines has proved unfounded, an FBI spokesman said Monday.

The threat, detailed by a local television station and The Washington Times after information was recently leaked to them, involved Iraqi and Afghan terrorists working with a Mexican drug cartel to smuggle themselves and weapons across the U.S. border.

The plot contains all the makings of a true Wingnut horror movie! Terrorists! Iraqis! Afgans! Drug Cartels! Mexicans! and the cherry on top: ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS CROSSING THE BORDER!

I’m surprised this plot did not include the nefarious plot to impregnate all good Christian girls across the US of A while making their fathers gay with the gay bomb!!!

Man, this shit cracks me the hell up!

h/t Atrios